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Be the Change


ImageDo unto others as you would have done to you. Luke 6:31

I used to get upset with my husband because it felt like he didn’t consider me. If he was getting something to drink, he would rarely offer me one, and I often felt like my opinion really didn’t matter much to him on many levels. I licked my wounds for years and played the victim, dramatically jumping up to get my own drink or bulldozing my thoughts onto him without being asked. It didn’t work.

I began to pray that my husband would change. Sigh….it’s embarrassing now, but I prayed that he would become more thoughtful and less self-centered. I don’t remember how long it took, I’d like to say seconds, but it was probably months, but I suddenly realized that I never did the things for my guy that I was accusing him of neglecting for me! And actually, when I was really honest, he took much better care of me than I did of him.

My prayer changed to being more thoughtful and less self-centered myself, as well as letting go of the victim mentality and the idea that I deserved better. I started to do little things, like ask my guy if he needed anything while I was getting up and asking for his ideas on issues and situations I didn’t think he would be concerned about. I was amazed to learn that he had some really strong opinions, and suddenly we were trying to out-serve each other! Years later, we consult each other regularly on big and small things and try to honor the others’ opinion because we see with very different eyes.

My point is that the Golden Rule really does work, and if you’re self-righteously accusing your spouse of something, make sure you’re not guilty of the same offense or worse. Do a little experiment, giving whatever it is that you wish you were receiving. You just might be pleasantly surprised.

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7 responses »

  1. Oh, yes. This is SO important. Isn’t it funny that we can get so bent out of shape because of our spouse’s selfish behavior, yet remain so blind to our own? I’ve been guilty of that myself. That’s why Jesus warned us to work on removing the log from our own eye before attempting to take the splinter out of someone else’s.

    Reply
  2. Prayer is the key. Lord, make me the kind of husband/wife you would be pleased with. People don’t make us happy because prayer is our source of joy.

    Reply
  3. This is so true. We women ask for God to change our husbands in some way, but through our prayers God changes us and our selfish ways and align them with His perfect ways. Thank you for speaking out about this. Great post.

    And as the song goes about prayer:

    I get on my knees,
    I get on my knees
    There I am before the love
    That changes me
    See I don’t know how
    But there’s power
    When I’m on my knees

    “On My Knees”by Jaci Velasquez

    Reply
  4. Pingback: Inspiration from Others « Being a Beautiful Mess

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