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Don’t Keep Score

scoreboardAre you a score keeper? I am embarrassed to say that I was.  For years I was convinced that my husband wasn’t giving his all in our marriage. It felt like he was trying to get away with doing the least amount of work, and it was my job to catch him and put another number against him. In my mind he was so far in the hole, he could never climb out, even if he wanted to! I just wanted him to give 100% all the time, like I was doing, was that so much to ask?

Then my world got rocked. My parents divorced after 40+ years together with no chance of reconciliation, no counseling, and no real explanation. I was in shock for several months, processing this foreign terrain that I had no desire for. I didn’t have the energy to work, to take care of our family and home or to socialize. It would be safe to say that I wasn’t giving our marriage the time of day, much less 100%. But my husband was. He was praying over me and over our family, he showed me so much grace as I was grieving, and he never kept score.

It occurred to me that in our marriage we need to give 100% together, not each. Rarely is this a 50/50 deal, usually one of us is carrying the bulk of the load while the other is learning, growing, reeling or just exhausted from life. There was no longer a need for a score card; I had to trust that my husband was doing the best that he could, and my job was to join him, not compete with him.

Love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:5

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4 responses »

  1. That’s a new perspective for me on the 100% thing. I’ve always toted the 100% EACH image. You stretched my box today. Thank you. I’ll share.

    Reply
    • I thought the same thing for years and the idea of two becoming one flesh, but each of us giving 100% didn’t add up, especially after our experience. Thanks so much for reading, and for commenting!

      Reply
  2. You always have such powerful and insightful perspectives! It is a real treat to read your work.

    Reply

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