For as long as I can remember, I have known what time it is. What I mean is that I can usually guess the current time, often to the minute, no matter what. This hasn’t been a particularly useful skill because I tend to be late for almost everything I do, and it sure doesn’t mean that I have rhythm!
I mention this because something has recently changed inside me; time isn’t moving the way it used to. Recently I have noticed that there are pockets of time that seem to plod along and take way too long to pass, and other situations where it feels like someone pushed the fast forward button. My level of enjoyment in the moment has nothing to do with my perception, sometimes I will experience both of these sensations close together and it is very disconcerting. I feel like I am losing the ability to know the time.
What does this mean? I really have no idea. Maybe it means that I need to pay closer attention, perhaps it means that I am letting go of something that needs to go, or maybe it is an indication that I need to figure out what I am doing here. Here, in this time and place. For now, I am trying to notice whenever time seems to bend, to honor the longer moments and to enjoy the brief ones.
Show me, LORD, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure. Psalm 39:4-5