I used to get upset with my husband because it felt like he didn’t consider me. If he was getting something to drink, he would rarely offer me one, and I often felt like my opinion really didn’t matter much to him on many levels. I licked my wounds for years and played the victim, dramatically jumping up to get my own drink or bulldozing my thoughts onto him without being asked. It didn’t work.
I began to pray that my husband would change. Sigh….it’s embarrassing now, but I prayed that he would become more thoughtful and less self-centered. I don’t remember how long it took, I’d like to say seconds, but it was probably months, but I suddenly realized that I never did the things for my guy that I was accusing him of neglecting for me! And actually, when I was really honest, he took much better care of me than I did of him.
My prayer changed to being more thoughtful and less self-centered myself, as well as letting go of the victim mentality and the idea that I deserved better. I started to do little things, like ask my guy if he needed anything while I was getting up and asking for his ideas on issues and situations I didn’t think he would be concerned about. I was amazed to learn that he had some really strong opinions, and suddenly we were trying to out-serve each other! Years later, we consult each other regularly on big and small things and try to honor the others’ opinion because we see with very different eyes.
My point is that the Golden Rule really does work, and if you’re self-righteously accusing your spouse of something, make sure you’re not guilty of the same offense or worse. Do a little experiment, giving whatever it is that you wish you were receiving. You just might be pleasantly surprised.