Donald Trump is constantly in the news, and recently I was reading about the new tax plan he is unveiling. The writer said that this was a pyrrhic victory for Trump, using a word I had never seen before, so I looked it up. It gives me great satisfaction to see a word well-used, in the right time and space, and I enjoy learning something new, so this one was doubly pleasing. In fact, I woke up the next two nights with the word at the forefront of my thoughts.
Pyrrhic victory – noun – a victory won at such great cost to the victor that it is tantamount to a defeat. Ouch. I wondered why this term had lodged itself so firmly in my head, to the point that I found myself discussing the term with others. And then it hit me.
Early in our relationship, patterns were established between my guy and me, that we would argue until he finally gave in. He once joked that I could murder someone and convince him he had done it. For years in our marriage, I was guilty of choosing an empty win at all costs; sacrificing rationality, consistency and certainly the feelings of my guy, in the name of winning the day.
It took years for me to really see that in winning the battle I was losing the war. A pyrrhic victory, because in conquering, I was choking our relationship, snuffing out trust and respect as I went. I think we are often short-sighted in our closest relationships; so eager to be heard and understood that we are willing to do anything to win. What I realized over the years is that when I take the time to listen to my guy’s heart, pray for understanding and reception and make it my goal to argue for us, instead of with him, we both win.
Maybe Donald Trump could learn something from my marriage….